My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize