Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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