Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken