I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.