So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
These 19 Sad People Chose Video Games Over Sex
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.