So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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