is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
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running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
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Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
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