My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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