That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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