I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
