we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
