Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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