i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
