we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
