The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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