I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
