i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
