I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
