I want to have your abortion
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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