i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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