Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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