I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Randomize