idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
