God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Green mimosas i think yes
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My dick has a subreddit
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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