So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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