At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
