Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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