I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
