Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Randomize
