Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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