she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
