forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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