I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
they're like a gay fantastic four
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
