I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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