The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
