my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
