ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
