He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
