You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
