Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
