you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
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My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
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i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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