go do what you do best...puke behind churches
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
