The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Randomize
