And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
