I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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