i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
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