...so i touched it.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
