At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
