Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
