Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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