I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just gargled with NyQuil
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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