i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
