he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
