My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
