I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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