I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize