its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I am one with the molecules
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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