Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
