sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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