I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
