No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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