I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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